my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
