Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
