just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
