Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
