Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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