You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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