I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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