Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
