things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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