The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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