I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
