I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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