When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
