I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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