Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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