My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
