I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
