My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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