I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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