I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
