I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
