Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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