dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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