So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hippo gnu deer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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