Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
