Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
