Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
