btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
