I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize