East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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