I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
