So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
