maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
