i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize