so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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