allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
