Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
