She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize