:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
