You just made me feel so damn special
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize