So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
