can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
