you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
