if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
