My cat gives me a boner
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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