So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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