if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what day is it and did you see me today?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
