dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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