woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
