This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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