Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
