I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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