I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
