Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
