There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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