i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
