so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
