STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
