Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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