Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
