Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
