There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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