Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
