Will you blow on my dice?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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