maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
