you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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