I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
