so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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