Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
