Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
