I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
