Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Rumble strips road head = magical
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
