I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
