You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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