Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
